Mason turns 5

{ July 31, 2008 @ 4:12 pm } · { Kids & Spirit }
{ Tags: , , } · { Comments }

I can remember the moment just like yesterday, however the details run like fragments of dreams I cannot recall. There were a lot of people in our home, some for the first time. We ate, drank, had cake and went to the swimming pool. Mason’s “Barbie Mariposa” party was alive and flowing with kid antics. The best moment – I will never forget – is watching my daughter come down the stairs, in the middle of the party, naked from the waist up.  Tired of waiting to go swimming, she stripped off her “Mariposa” costume, found some shorts and came running down the stairs with her arms covered across her chest because she couldn’t find her swimsuit.

 

I was quite embarrassed for a moment, but the moment was too precious to pass up without a full blown belly laugh. Mason was mad needless to say.

 

We found the swim suit and I tried getting her to put her costume back on – didn’t work. But her hair looked great for the cake!

 

It was a nice party. There were other elements I wish I could have changed but what party ever goes well. Now, if only we can get the adults to stop thinking we should cater to them at a kids party – that would be a perfect party!

Wedding Traditions - that’s why we save the cake…

{ June 27, 2008 @ 11:11 am } · { Self Jouney }
{ } · { Comments }

I just read this article on CNN about Wedding Traditions. It is hilarious.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/06/27/wedding.traditions/index.html

 

It is no secret that as we grow-up, girls start to visualize that fateful wedding day. Thanks to fairytale stories, we have dreamed up demanding expectations for our wedding day. It is not clear until the first boy breaks our heart –that our knight in shining armor will not be riding up in a black stallion or christen our heads with jewels. Yet, when that day is to arrive, we continue with our mission to re-create that one time childhood dream. I am very familiar with planning weddings; it took two engagements to make me run for the mountains and ride off into the sunset solo or the next dumbass….

 

Fast-forward to college, I was done with males.  I had let every “dick” of all shapes and sizes dominate my life; and the last one ripped up every ounce of self-confidence I had. Slowly that dream of ever finding Mr. Right was vanishing into thin air and I was contemplating a life dedicated to serving God.  I had given up and decided to take my developing career serious and stop finding the “person” who would make my life worth living…at the time I had no idea I was just searching for love – accepted love.

 

My senior year in college, I met Jimmy- a completely different person than I had ever met. I was lost, broken, and confused but moving along with the motions. I still had a telephone connection to the previous “ass” in my life and I could not sever the tie. I don’t know what it was about Jimmy that made me awaken a bit and contemplate that there was hope in my life. But he did. My heart bloomed and my ego smiled.

 

Fast-forward again to a year later…the wedding. I married Jimmy in 2001. I never thought this moment in my life would happen – I was destined to be a bachelorette for a very long time. I guess those green eyes captured my heart and mind…okay, okay, his intellect was the real turn-on.

 

What I find so hilarious about this article is that it touches on every ‘tradition” that we had at our wedding. It was a traditional Catholic wedding – some new traditions, El Paso style. We made sure that every one of these traditions was part of our wedding. I find the mention of saving the top tier of our cake for our first year anniversary extremely hilarious – I got pregnant in 2002, three months shy of our first year anniversary…

 

I could only imagine if our entire wedding party had to watch as we consummated our marriage….

Friday, June 27, 2008

Moments I missed or misunderstood….yet the sun still shines.

{ June 17, 2008 @ 3:49 pm } · { Self Jouney }
{ Tags: , , , , , } · { Comments }

Being able to write snippets of my experiences, thoughts, cares, and loves is hard when I feel my words will be twisted and used against me. Since I won’t be running for President anytime soon, I really should be able to express myself. However, it comes back to the fact that I have never really let anyone know what I was feeling or thinking. If you were a lucky one – in the time of my life of the experience – then you got front row tickets.

 

Lately, I have been contemplating all the “moments” I missed or misunderstood. Many moments passed me by or I’m playing catch-up now. I had a great conversation last week with my hubby – about the past. His past and my past. Given my state of “being” when we first met, I never could have had this conversation with him. This time my being was calm and collected and didn’t care what his “past” experiences included.

 

I wonder if it is a sign that I am growing up. I’m not sure why I’m afraid of growing up – maybe because I associate growing old with being useless. There’s significant evidence in our society today that shows that when people get older, everyone looks down on them – as if all of sudden they lost all their marbles and are now just plain dumb.

 

I also fear looking older. Will the wrinkles I eventually get be a sign that my life is now ending and will start to deteriorate? I always wonder at what point you realize you have joined the old crowd. You are a “them” and no longer an “us”.

 

Mentally, I can see my mind expanding and really looking at the world. I think and contemplate just a little more – instead of holding my nose and diving in feet first. Sometimes the anger I harbor inside gets to see the day of light but I’m learning to understand how the anger monster gets triggered. I have been clearer about my feelings but I still worry about what others may think.

 

It amazes me that Jimmy and I have been together 8 years. We will be married for 7 in December. This is my greatest accomplishment. But I can guesstimate that I wonder how he has put up with me for so long….Father’s Day was this past weekend and I can see that Jimmy knows he’s loved by both Mason and I. He doesn’t have that “remember me” expectation from us. Mason unconditionally loves her father. It’s something I have strived for – possibly because I lacked my father in my life. I want her to know him and him to know her and so it’s important that I stress their communication with each other.

 

Of course, Mason is daddy’s little girl and she loves Jimmy with all her might. She shadows him, speaks like him, acts like him, and so it’s easy to help that bond along. I can’t help to giggle when I notice Mason has some my traits.

Does the river get tired of flowing……

{ May 22, 2008 @ 10:07 pm } · { Self Jouney }
{ } · { Comments }

My husband uttered these words to me today. I was explaining to him a situation in which a discussion based on finding our purpose in life and understanding ourselves ended with the ego emerging within the very beings trying to disidentify with the ego.  It just blew my mind…

I had this epiphany. Many of us have experiences and choose the journies to which we will explore and grow. Today, I realized that many people who have been down particular journies find it an annoyance to see other’s walking down that same journey. The annoyance comes in that been there and done that attitude. You know it very well - “I did that already” - when those of us new to the journey annoy others. But why do we annoy others with our journies? I really don’t know and you would think that they would be a source of knowledge and example. Instead I saw grown ladies react from their ego.

This quote my husband said, says it all. Just because the river constantly flows down the same path, does it mean it gets tired of flowing. I would have hoped that  this enlightment would help me to facilitate or take away with me the very essense of what it means to find my purpose..just as Tolle’s journey has inspired millions.

Open Letter to Superdelegates - We NEED Clinton

{ May 14, 2008 @ 9:34 am } · { Politics }
{ } · { Comments }

The voter’s voice is the most important reason you are in office. While I understand that the money you fundraise during your terms takes a majority of your time - I can’t imagine that you can sit back and hand over your votes to a candidate that cannot win in November.  You handed the voters of West Virginia an insult when you added your votes to Obama’s campaign.

This delegate process must change!  It’s stupid. I can’t offer more intelligent terms when the terms of defining our Democratic nominee is plain stupid.  Senator Clinton has won the votes needed in the states that swing the elections. Do you see the patterns or do you have too many happy-hooked-on-hope interns doing the work for you?  Review your facts and don’t buy into the hope agenda. The more I learn about Senator Obama and the influences that have shaped his life - I can’t trust him. My heart tells me not to put my trust in him. Faith alone tells me he is the wrong candidate - at this time. He has some hard work ahead of him and maybe those years of experience will make him a better candidate - but not this time around.

Hope - this world is built on hope. Where has hope put us? I can answer that - high gas prices, school tax, PACS, war, food prices, more taxes, and an uneven playing field for women.

I cannot live on hope. I need change and Mrs. Clinton can make that change for me. She has the experience we need to run this country. She has the fierceness to take this country by storm and has the heart to help the working class succeed in life. She has results. She has experience - first hand experience at best.

As a woman, we need the world to stand up today and say it’s our time! We have been second fiddle and sometimes third, fourth and dead last in this world due to our gender. We make less, we get looked over for promotions, and get dealt less rights while trying to keep our homes safe for our children. We cannot be equal to men unless we become men.  Why can’t I be a beautiful, feminine, loving woman who can be an equal to a man? Why can’t I be a beautiful, feminine, loving professional sports player?  Stand up women of this world and make your claim! If we are not united, we are divided and will forever play the catch-up game of life….

Senator Clinton has my vote! Without her, we are doomed…..

“I am a hole in a flute that the Christ’s breath moves through - listen to this music.” -Hafiz

{ May 13, 2008 @ 12:01 pm } · { Self Jouney }
{ Tags: , , , , , , , , , } · { Comments }

“I am a hole in a flute that the Christ’s breath moves through - listen to this music.” -Hafiz

I read these beautiful words from Hafiz last week and since then these words have provided the mind with nothing but contemplation. Just the words alone resonated within my Being and captured my imagination. I find myself pondering and consumed by my thoughts about this very quote. It surely was not the intention to draw me back into the ego and a clouded mind - but I find myself just constantly inundated by thoughts.

 

Painstakingly, the need to write down feelings, thoughts, rants, raves, or plain words drives the insanity of this busy mind. The need to write is an outlet and freedom from enslaving thoughts. So here I am.

 

Lately, my journey to find myself has almost come full circle. Reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle has definitely changed who I am. I am calmer if you can believe that. I have had others tell me so as well.

 

There must be a need to pen on paper that offers insight to me. When I read the words, I can imagine a flute and Christ’s spirit moving through each hole – producing beautiful, calming, and moving music. Each note played results from the marriage of our very being and Christ. While not just Christ in the physical sense of form but the very spirit for which He is – God.

 

In the beginning when God created man, he gave life to “man” by breathing into his nostrils.

 

GEN 2:7 the LORD God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being.

 

Each one of us was given life through the Breath of Life.  Each Being born is given life through this same breath. Without our breath, we cannot live. Our body (form) dies when we cannot breathe. Without your first breath, you cannot live. Have you ever pondered how important it is to breathe? This very thought brings me back to the moment my daughter was born. At that very moment of being born into this world, she did not cry and my heart sunk. My next moment was waiting for her to take that first breath and than I heard it. Tears of joy streamed down my face because God had given her the Breath of Life. Nevertheless, at that time – I did not have any concept of what and how life was gifted.

 

Christ – the human form of God – lived to show us how to live. I truly believe this and I believe that God continues to show himself to us today – but constantly miss him. It’s very easy to get lost in the “beware of the wolf in sheep clothing” stigma.  Think about the last time you used this very same quote – truly trust in these words will help you miss God.

 

I trust that the answers lie within me and this embarks me on a journey of trust. I am the very spirit that God breathed into me and Christ became that spirit to show me how to accept suffering and how to live. To recognize my being and learning to be still, I can listen more closely to very breath that lives within me.

 

Punishment - Hooks

{ May 8, 2008 @ 10:33 am } · { Punishment 101 }
{ } · { Comments }

 ”15 Fish Hooks Surround Dog’s Neck - News Story - WPXI Pittsburgh”
http://www.wpxi.com/news/16199037/detail.html?taf=burg

I cannot tell you how disgusted I am about a human being who hurts animals. This animal was found with fish hooks attached to the inside of it’s collar. The collar was found to be extremely tight which allowed the fish hooks to dig into the flesh of the dog! Unacceptable!

Animals are great living creatures that offer companionship, love, and joy. We live in a world were animals don’t have jobs anymore. We no longer toil all day and use the strengths and gifts of animals to help us with daily living. They have been marginalized to mere possessions. We must care for them and offer them love not torture.

Punishment - The person or person’s responsible will be punished. On planet Punishment they will live out one year for every hook in this punishment. However, the punishment will not run concurrent. The person’s responsible will be allowed to serve every other year. So a total of 30 years will be needed to satisfy the punishment. The punishment is as follows:

For 365 days,  at sunrise 15 hooks will be used to suspend the criminal and at sunset they will be taken down and hooks removed. The next year they will live freely on planet Punishment. After the year of free living is over, they will then begin their punishment phase all over again - for the next 30 years! There is no room for mercy because mercy was not shown to the dog involved in this case.

Signed, Queen of Punishment.

Punishment 101

{ May 8, 2008 @ 10:19 am } · { Punishment 101 }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments }

I’ve decided to write about news stories and offer my own punishment for those involved. We all know that when we read news story about everyday life suffering - we wish death or worse on those who are responsible. But we all know that the death penalty does not curtail crime because, if it did we would see a decrease of people in croweded jails, daily arrests, and money spent on crime.

However, there’s little dicks and cunning mary’s out their who evade the law, who destroy lives, and injure the helpless…In my world called Punishment, I will decide what their punishment will be. I am NOT deciding their fate - people decide their own fate by the choices they make and how they feed their selfish egos. Punishment is a planet where you are sent to live out the punishment handed down by me.

It is for the mere ridicule of your ego and the injury you have caused on others - all life. 

LIfe is precious. I emphasize life, because life means every  living breathing being - human, animal, plant, earth, young, and old. If God could have breathed in her Breath of LIfe into the it’s nostrils then’s it’s alive! GEN 2:7 the LORD God formed man out of the clay of the ground and blew into his nostrils the breath of life, and so man became a living being.

Each article will be catagorized as Punishment 101 - hope you enjoy reading the demented punishments out of my mind that are initiated out of pure rage and hatred for people who hurt life….my ego needs an outlet and it’s best done in words.

Our Lady of the Lake on Fire!

{ May 6, 2008 @ 8:58 pm } · { Self Jouney }
{ } · { Comments }

I cannot believe that the Lake is on fire! I graduated in 2001 with a Bachelor of Science in Electronic Commerce. I had a great time and learned so much about myself and life in general while at the Lake.  I also started my journey for continuing to receive my Sacraments and met my future husband, Jimmy. Jimmy graduated in 2003. Holding back tears at the moment, I am watching as this historic time in my life burns.

While the building (hopefully) can be rebuilt, the emotional ties to the Lake cannot be relived. The beauty and love in this building can never be replaced. I remember walking through the halls and feeling a great Presence - filled with comfort, love, and happiness. I have fond memories of spending many sleepness nights on the 3rd floor in the computer lab working on homework or cramming for last minute tests.  The fire that threatens the very building is right above, if not by now, the 3rd floor.

I pray that God helps the Lake community and gives us the avenue to rebuild this school. While we were the Armadillos when we were there, we are now the Saints! Behind you Saints!

Journies

{ April 4, 2008 @ 10:21 am } · { Self Jouney, Uncategorized }
{ Tags: , , , , , , , } · { Comments }

Well, I can’t seem to get into the groove lately of writing about what’s going on with me these days. Really these are for me. To look back and see how far I have grown.  Still trying to be meat free - Asian Chicken Salad didn’t help last night - but I am still continuing the journey.

So my journey has led me to a new book called A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. This book is amazing. I have never read a book with such interest and need to understand more about the subject matter. I have seen some changes in my life, but the ultimate lesson being is that change happens within me. I wish I would have had this book when I was younger, but like Eckhart Tolle says, the book is either for you at the present moment or it will be meaningless. I am understanding more of myself and understanding how my life has been influenced to create particular behaviors and expectations. I love -exceptionally - how he uses one of the greatest spiritual teachers -Jesus- to explain what his words meant and how to live a Christ centered life. 

 This is not a Spiritual book, or a belief book, or a religion. It’s understanding the human consciousness to understanding ones own life. I am on Chapter 6 now. Oprah has a 10 week on-line course dedicated to the book. I download the courses to my pod-cast and watch them when I can. This whole journey has been amazing. I have found a book  for life and hope to really apply the principles to my life and teach my daughter to be more conscious in her life.

 So with that….until next time!

Newer entries » · « Older entries