Rush…rush…rush..rush…trying to get to that finish line.

That I have yet discovered where that finish line ends.

I’m trapped sometimes by the words stuck in my voice, my thoughts, my dreams, within the actions I have yet to take.

I’m not sure that knowing where the line in the sand has been drawn is something to know.

I have begun to “live” fully one day at a time, one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, and one second at a time. Soaking in the full experience of the moment shows me how breathe fully and easily. Yet, I rush through the experience, hoping to get to the end of the moment quickly to move onto the next. Getting quickly to the end of that breath. A complete contradiction of what it means to live in the moment…

Today, I master the acceptance of this experience – whatever it is.

It’s been a battle to find an exercise or practice that would relax the tensed up muscle in my right shoulder and those down the middle of my back. Running helped get me back into cardio health, but nothing – regular yoga, stretching, massage, medicine, etc – could get the damm pain running from my neck into my shoulder to go away. It’s been years. It was onset. It’s been a constant torture to my mood.

I have to mention that I’m  battling some other unknowns in my body. I can tell its changed. Weight doesn’t come off as quickly or ever. I had to give up coffee and splenda – after consuming both, my body told me it didn’t like it. Red wine causes headaches in me - actually any type of wine makes my head hurt.

Right now I can attribute my current state of relaxation to hot yoga. I love it. It makes me feel better and calmer. I haven’t sat all day trying to “pop” the stress out my neck or been pulling on it. I feel like a kid that just got the biggest Popsicle and want to savor this feeling. I’m afraid it will go away….

I’m so glad that my new-found friend asked me if I wanted to try Bikram Yoga with her (Thanks! D.). I can almost say it’s been a life saver…not to mention I’ve seen some weight (numbers) come off the scale!  I can’t wait to my next practice session – just add breathing and buckets of sweat!

Happy Mother’s Day to all my family and friends. It takes an ultimate woman to be a mother, to be sane, to love and to teach. It’s not for everyone but when you take that step, it should be wholeheartedly.

Stupidity – I know the word is broad and general. People show this stupidity in many situations. This trait is evident in most people when they are putting down others for personal choices – whether its decisions or beliefs. Most stupidity is dangerous to those in its immediate path.  I don’t want to confuse stupid action with stupid personal choices. They are different. In a moment of unclarity, someone might do something stupid, but people who make stupid personal choices believe in them for life and will act accordingly to this belief. Food for thought.

Indecision – the word that says it all. Make a decision people and let’s move on. There may be times when I can’t make a decision, however my pet peeve is when people can NEVER make a decision. How do you get dressed in the morning????

Bad Parenting Skills – enough said. I especially find the parents who make excuses for their kids bad behavior distasteful.

Laziness – this is one trait that I struggle with. I am completely turned off by anyone who is lazy, but I find myself in this same camp. It’s a trait that I am constantly working on because its not fun to be lazy – even sometimes. Once you get into the habit of being lazy, it’s really hard to break. It takes mental & physical strength to change this habit. My hope is to turn this trait into rest and action. When I’m not doing something, at least I’m truly resting – but never lazy at which I will never have attempted or barely attempted the action.

In the end, I have learned to see the situation(s) for what it is – a learning and turning point.

Extreme Sports – I love the rush of adrenaline that is produced through extreme sports. Many people know that I played roller derby. What I loved most about it was the competition against myself. The feeling I get after doing something I thought I couldn’t do is invigorating. Sadly, I can no longer spend the time doing it. Some injuries never heal and time doesn’t reproduce. Therefore, I’ve taken to find my next “sport” that I get the same rush of adrenaline. My hopes is to find one I can share with my family.

Puzzles/Problems to Resolve/Solving a complicated task – To me, everything is a puzzle. I see everything as information that must be organized into a cohesive frame of reference to then reach the answer. I design the deliverance of that solution. I’m naturally curious and will learn about something to the point of exhaustion. I love anything I can solve, I can put together, and I can find an answer to.

Nature – The ability to see the earth’s natural wonders puts me at ease. The wind helps me breathe with ease. The water I encounter refreshes my soul. The dirt I walk on provides me with a relaxing path to walk. I love how dirt/sand feels on my bare feet. As for fire, well let’s hope I don’t run into fire while I’m out. However, any fire that I set helps  keep me calm. Late night bonfires are fantastic! The natural world, the plant life, the animals and sometimes their interactions with humans are beautiful. Everything makes for quite an exciting scene – as long as I stop, listen, and be still.

Number 1 – This picture captures perfectly the energy between Mason and I.  I love how she always responds in her silly and serious ways. She keeps me laughing and reminds me to always have some fun. My goal is to help teach and show her how to work when needed, but to live fully always. I will also someday own one of these pieces.

Number 2: This is a Peter Lik masterpiece. It’s called Inner Peace. I fell in love with this piece at first sight. It reminds me of the intricate workings of my heart, soul and brain. I work on everything with so much love and connection that I can accomplish so much or not produce at all. I can get stuck in the creative side of my brain or piece together a complicated puzzle…but I have to remember to approach it all with “inner peace”. If not, I will drive myself crazy.

1. The trials, pains, and hurts you will feel and endure will make you a real person. Savor them, enjoy them and welcome them. At some point, it ends and you realize that you are now better for it.
2. You would think by now, that you would know better.
3. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have realized that I could be on my own and come into my own. The years you were in my life were monumental and I will never forgot you.
4. Um, I’m sorry. That’s what you chose to do. Now live with it and I secretly hope you kick yourself daily.
5. You always have the choice to make the right decision. You almost made it. You cried over it. Only you can live by your own promise. It’s no sweat off my back.
6. Because of you, I had a chance.
7. You will always have my heart, my soul, and my whole being.
8. I understand what it means to love and hurt at the same time. I will always be there for you. I will always be honest with you. I will never sugarcoat anything. I will help you develop your imagination, because it keeps us sane and happy.
9. I miss you more than anything.
10. If you could see me now, what would you say?

Day One – starts tomorrow.

Here’s what it is:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession