Archive for June, 2008

Wedding Traditions - that’s why we save the cake…

{ June 27, 2008 @ 11:11 am } · { Self Jouney }
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I just read this article on CNN about Wedding Traditions. It is hilarious.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/06/27/wedding.traditions/index.html

 

It is no secret that as we grow-up, girls start to visualize that fateful wedding day. Thanks to fairytale stories, we have dreamed up demanding expectations for our wedding day. It is not clear until the first boy breaks our heart –that our knight in shining armor will not be riding up in a black stallion or christen our heads with jewels. Yet, when that day is to arrive, we continue with our mission to re-create that one time childhood dream. I am very familiar with planning weddings; it took two engagements to make me run for the mountains and ride off into the sunset solo or the next dumbass….

 

Fast-forward to college, I was done with males.  I had let every “dick” of all shapes and sizes dominate my life; and the last one ripped up every ounce of self-confidence I had. Slowly that dream of ever finding Mr. Right was vanishing into thin air and I was contemplating a life dedicated to serving God.  I had given up and decided to take my developing career serious and stop finding the “person” who would make my life worth living…at the time I had no idea I was just searching for love – accepted love.

 

My senior year in college, I met Jimmy- a completely different person than I had ever met. I was lost, broken, and confused but moving along with the motions. I still had a telephone connection to the previous “ass” in my life and I could not sever the tie. I don’t know what it was about Jimmy that made me awaken a bit and contemplate that there was hope in my life. But he did. My heart bloomed and my ego smiled.

 

Fast-forward again to a year later…the wedding. I married Jimmy in 2001. I never thought this moment in my life would happen – I was destined to be a bachelorette for a very long time. I guess those green eyes captured my heart and mind…okay, okay, his intellect was the real turn-on.

 

What I find so hilarious about this article is that it touches on every ‘tradition” that we had at our wedding. It was a traditional Catholic wedding – some new traditions, El Paso style. We made sure that every one of these traditions was part of our wedding. I find the mention of saving the top tier of our cake for our first year anniversary extremely hilarious – I got pregnant in 2002, three months shy of our first year anniversary…

 

I could only imagine if our entire wedding party had to watch as we consummated our marriage….

Friday, June 27, 2008

Moments I missed or misunderstood….yet the sun still shines.

{ June 17, 2008 @ 3:49 pm } · { Self Jouney }
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Being able to write snippets of my experiences, thoughts, cares, and loves is hard when I feel my words will be twisted and used against me. Since I won’t be running for President anytime soon, I really should be able to express myself. However, it comes back to the fact that I have never really let anyone know what I was feeling or thinking. If you were a lucky one – in the time of my life of the experience – then you got front row tickets.

 

Lately, I have been contemplating all the “moments” I missed or misunderstood. Many moments passed me by or I’m playing catch-up now. I had a great conversation last week with my hubby – about the past. His past and my past. Given my state of “being” when we first met, I never could have had this conversation with him. This time my being was calm and collected and didn’t care what his “past” experiences included.

 

I wonder if it is a sign that I am growing up. I’m not sure why I’m afraid of growing up – maybe because I associate growing old with being useless. There’s significant evidence in our society today that shows that when people get older, everyone looks down on them – as if all of sudden they lost all their marbles and are now just plain dumb.

 

I also fear looking older. Will the wrinkles I eventually get be a sign that my life is now ending and will start to deteriorate? I always wonder at what point you realize you have joined the old crowd. You are a “them” and no longer an “us”.

 

Mentally, I can see my mind expanding and really looking at the world. I think and contemplate just a little more – instead of holding my nose and diving in feet first. Sometimes the anger I harbor inside gets to see the day of light but I’m learning to understand how the anger monster gets triggered. I have been clearer about my feelings but I still worry about what others may think.

 

It amazes me that Jimmy and I have been together 8 years. We will be married for 7 in December. This is my greatest accomplishment. But I can guesstimate that I wonder how he has put up with me for so long….Father’s Day was this past weekend and I can see that Jimmy knows he’s loved by both Mason and I. He doesn’t have that “remember me” expectation from us. Mason unconditionally loves her father. It’s something I have strived for – possibly because I lacked my father in my life. I want her to know him and him to know her and so it’s important that I stress their communication with each other.

 

Of course, Mason is daddy’s little girl and she loves Jimmy with all her might. She shadows him, speaks like him, acts like him, and so it’s easy to help that bond along. I can’t help to giggle when I notice Mason has some my traits.